


But I Still Want You

by RJSawyer



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Falling In Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22670047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RJSawyer/pseuds/RJSawyer
Summary: Andrew Minyard didn't need anything, but he still wanted.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 5
Kudos: 96





	But I Still Want You

Andrew sat on the roof, his legs hanging carelessly off the side. If one of the students looked up and caught a glance of him, they might think he had a death wish. He didn’t. Not today. He just wanted to feel something other than the nagging in the back of his brain about the Foxes Striker.  
Neil Josten didn’t look like much on paper, he didn’t look like much in person for that matter, but Kevin saw something in him. Therefore, Andrew was stuck with him. Neil was a liar. Everything that came out of his mouth was some kind of slight, some kind of side step, but he gave Andrew truths, bartered or willing, Andrew would take those truths... He wasn’t sure if he believed the new comer, but the kid was interesting.  
Interesting got Andrew in trouble. Interesting held his attention when it shouldn’t. Everything about Neil was dangerous, his past, his temper, his future. There was nothing there for Andrew. He knew it. And yet, he let his eyes follow Neil more often then he should. After Columbia he should have been done with him. But every time he thought he had Neil figured out, Neil surprised him. Andrew liked it and he hated that liked it.  
The blue lie around Neil’s pupil got Andrew in trouble. It was worse without the contacts, so why in the hell did he tell him to take them out? He knew better, but that didn’t mean his heart beat didn’t pick up when the Striker was in the same room as him. The way Neil smiled always surprised him. It was always different. The cruel smile that moved across Neil’s lips when he was speaking about his father, the fake smile barely there smile he gave to the press or classmates, the triumphant smile he shared so freely on the Exy court, the real one that would slip through before Neil remembered himself and bit it back. Andrew saw them all when he closed his eyes, which was aggravating, but sober Andrew had a harder time keeping thoughts out.  
The way Neil bent his head towards Andrew while they spoke softly, barely a breath between them, got Andrew in trouble. It would take nothing to lift his chin, to take Neil’s mouth in his own. He had to keep his eyes fixed on Neil’s eyes, or Andrew would do something stupid. Andrew wasn’t stupid.  
The way Neil dropped his guard and spoke freely got Andrew in trouble. When Neil looked at him, with those bright blue eyes, talking about home, Andrew had two choices. He could throw himself off the roof or he could kiss Neil Josten. It was the worse option. Worse than anything Andrew had ever chose to do, but for once Andrew wanted. He wanted for the first time since he let go of Cass. Every time he pinned Neil against walls or the cold concrete of the roof, Andrew wanted.  
He thought maybe that Neil wanted too. He thought maybe he wasn’t just a sexual experiment. That Neil could want him. With all his edges and all the lines he’d never cross. Maybe Neil wanted him back. He almost asked, on the bus, when it was just them, a moment stolen while the team were in a gas station. It was too much. Neil was too much.  
It was too much losing him to his father. The thought of never seeing those blue eyes again, the real smile, to have Neil’s hands in his hair. It was too much. He showed his hand that day on the bus as he choked an answer out of Kevin, but Neil- his Neil- was gone and it was too much. The air was gone, Andrew couldn’t pull enough into his lungs. Didn’t they see he was panicking? He wasn’t losing his temper, this was Andrew in complete panic. He would have cried if he remembered how. If his body would let him, but he cried too much as a child. He didn’t have any tears left for this, but rage? Andrew always had rage.  
The moment Andrew knelt in front of Neil in a crowded hotel room, he could take his first real breath since losing him. He wanted to reach out and hold Neil. To pull him in and tell him he was sorry he didn’t protect him. Yell at him for making Andrew let go of the promise to protect him hours before he was taken. Cry into Neil’s shoulder, just happy to have him back. Andrew did none of those things. Just watched blue eyes, full of pain, full of relief, and he vowed to himself that this stupid reckless mess of a human would be his forever. He’d protect him forever. There was no going back, not from Neil Josten.  
Andrew never had the words to tell Neil. He could never open his God Damned mouth and just say it. Every moment after Baltimore than Andrew opened his mouth he thought the words would come tumbling out, so he stayed quiet. Laying on the floor watching Neil fall asleep, he stayed quiet. In the cabin, he stayed quiet. While he broke Riko’s arm, he stayed quiet. When Neil told him that what they had between them was something to hold onto, he stayed quiet.  
Neil sat beside him and stole a cigarette from Andrew’s pack that sat between them. Andrew looked over and Neil turned those blue eyes on him. He moved his gaze to the cigarette Neil was holding then looked back into his eyes. He lifted an eyebrow in question, but he couldn’t speak. Not when the sun lit up Neil’s face like that. Not when the corner of his mouth was turned up in Neil’s real smile.  
“I know what it means when you’re quiet,” Neil said. “Yes or no?” he leaned in but paused until Andrew nodded. Neil kissed him softly, letting their lips linger.  
Andrew let his eyes close and his shoulders relax.  
“I love you too,” Neil said softly


End file.
